IM THE GIRL YOU WILL NEVER BE

It amazes me how tacky people can be sometimes.
Have some class bitches.




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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPARENTS! ♥

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WHAT WOULD LIFE BE IF WE HAD NO COURAGE TO ATTEMPT ANYTHING?




So last night me and my boy talked about people we knew were doing nowadays. He brought up the subject how so many people in our year were now married with kids and what not and he asked if perhaps maybe one day we could settle down together or something like that... HAAA only kidding. He didnt say that... thought I might put something like that in there just to get you going. But yeah we just named the people that we knew who were hitched and what not and we talked about our parents and talked about how he had always loved his family and also he told me what makes him attracted to me! Hehe! but im not going to tell you this =p Anyway, i always love late night chats with him

My eyes is swollen and puffy lately and i dont know why! URGHH. Annoying shit.



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23 JULY 2010

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ONLY WHEN WE NO LONGER AFRAID DO WE BEGIN TO LIVE :))))

There comes a point when something happens that heightens awareness indefinitely. Senses are sharpened. There’s only cautious rest but no complete comfort. In a heartbeat, you are a blood pump away from a phone call that can rip away at insides and silence smoky rooms. Concern is undulating but never ceases. Tension thickens the air. Attempts at humor are hard-pressed and smiles are uneasy.

Inevitability comes upon you like the speed of a train. Slow in the distance in one moment and barreling over you in the next.

The hardest part isn’t collecting the pieces of yourself once it has passed. The hardest part is seeing what it has done to everyone else, the lasting effects of leaving loved ones behind.

Well i enjoyed myself with my boy and mom immensely yesterday! We had desserts at chinatown after we went to the lawyer firm to settle something then we head down to bugis for steamboat! WOOOOHOOOS! i super love steamboat! hahaha! i mean who dont ?! :)))))) We spend 2 sweet long hours eating. My mom left after that.



So me and my dearest boy took a stroll after that and without knowingly, we ended up at suntec city. Amazing right?! HAHA! we did a lil shopping over there and yeahh, EATT! :DDD We had been eating practically the whole day. HOHOHOHO.

Took a picture of my boy eating. So cute :))))))


OH OH OH! && also, we took neoprints together. hehehe.




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THERE IS NO FCUKING ESCAPE

Im so over this. im so sick of being this for my whole life )))):
I feel different. Im very determined, very determined this time.

Make dinner for my dogs :))))) Hehehe.

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HE WHO ANGERS YOU CONQUERS YOU

Afew days ago i told my grandma i wanted to eat abacus beads because baby told me he always wanted to try how it taste like and yesterday she went to get the ingredients. I went down to her place together with my mom to help her. HAHAHA! Abacus Beads are made from freshly mashed Yam which is then combined with tapioca flour to form the dough that is cut and rolled into the shape of an abacus bead

After the abacus beads were ready formed and mark with the distinctive nod in the center, it is then moved to the cooking pot or wok in this case to be thoroughly cooked with just simple clean boiling water, and then blenched in cold or running water to give it that springy and chewy texture.

Today my grandma stir fry the abacus beads with fried shrimps, mushrooms, crab meat etc :)))) && brought it over for me!



Btw, its been ages since i went to my grandma's house. See the garden now became neater already. The grass used to be long.

Will eat the abacus beads together with my boy later when hes back home from work. Okays, im going to have to go and do a food shopping today together with my dogs :))) BYE PEEPSS!


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IM A GREAT BELIEVER IN LUCK AND I FIND THE HARDER I WORK, THE MORE I HAVE OF IT :))))

Im tired of being all angry and depressy. Im not bitching, moaning, or whining. im not feeling sorry for myself. im stating facts, plain and simple.

I am tired.

Tired of the aches and pains that come along with this body. Tired of being less than i could be. im tired of my body betraying me. im tired of betraying my body. its the only one i have, i should take care of it the best care i can right?! i should fuel it properly and strengthen it, better it! :))) im trying. God knows, im fcuking trying. So why cant it just work with me? Sighhh :((( This is not a setback. i will persist because going back is not an option. i will keep going because that is the only way to achieve my desire. But before i do that, im going to let myself cry a little bit because im human and sometimes we are weak. And because sometimes we need the release.

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THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY TO BE HONEST WITHOUT BEING BRUTAL.

As i get more interested in photography, i find myself wanting to improve to understand the way the camera works, all the different settings and techniques. not only to learn more advanced techniques, but to learn better composition, to learn everything there is to know about photography. are u the same like me? :))))



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WHISPERING OF THE WIND

I feel like no one would understand despite my telling people about the depression and calamity inside me. Like its a waste of breath to talk or type it all out. Even if i did then people wouldnt like me anymore because no one wants someone who is weak and emo, then i feel guilty for bending your time for my own stupid problems-

Ultimately i feel like i am not worth the effort, from you, from myself and definitely not from my family/friends. Everyone has other shit to get on with in their lives.










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BEAUTIFUL INSANITY

I always had the same dream. This dream scared me.I know people will say 'it's just a dream'. But I'm 20 I know my dreaming a patterns, I know what my nightmares are like when I have them. This one was different. This one seemed so real it felt like a memory. What does it mean?

I broke up with my besties. Well i finally got tired of her lies and betrayal. She was suspecting and hinting me how I had "betrayed her" by listening to nonsense people and other junk like that.

Well you see she has been talking about me behind my back, under minding my intelligence to my face (one of my pet peeves), lying right to my face, ignoring me without knowing the truth, and obviously not caring how i feel. .Both story lines were taking a toll on both of us and we didn't talk to each other now. So as you can see she was not the best of friends :))) HAHA! Joke.




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Change my hairstyle abit. Do you think it suit me? hhmms.

We took alot of pictures that day and if you were to ask me to upload all, it is really crazy but i did tried to stitch all the photos up AND AND AND my laptop hang and boooo, its gone! Fcuking annoyed. NO WAY am i going to do it again. Will upload ALL to facebook when im free :))))))))

Heres some of the pictures of me and him that i like. HAHAAHS

Me and my boy are planning a trip overseas soon and im feeling so excited! HEHEHE! Got to settle everything first, my school projects his work etc. Looking forward to it and seriously a vacation sounds great for us! :))))))



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PAINT ME WHITE!
My eyes damn swollen and puffy when i woke up yesterday :(((( I guess its because i did not take out my contact lens when im sleeping. Sighh. I know its bad to sleep just like this but i always forget to take out.

Look at my puffy eyes. SOBS.

Wore my younger brother's oversize hoodie out to expo with my mom. Heehee.
We went to get new bedsheet for her room and also visit my boy at work :)))))

&& we took this before sleep. HEHE.



My camera flashlight is so bright that it could kill someone. HAHAHAHA!

i had a nasty nightmare the other night. i was being provoked by my bro's friend i think. then i got really angry and flipped, screaming and kicking. in the dream I could see the image of me punching his face hard. the panic as it rised was overwhelming... incredibly physical and my baby woke me up immediately asking me if im okay because i hit him while hes sleeping and his mouth were bleeding. scared the crapping fuck out of me. it was so real.




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